I’ve Got This
As a child I was the independent kid, ready to jump out there and take care of things myself. I didn’t need help. I maintained that mindset as I grew up. Give me minimal instruction and let me soar on my own. In every aspect of my life I came to realize I had implemented the mentality of “I’ve got this…. I don’t need your help.”
From work to school to even my relationship with God, I took control, assuming my way was the best way. I cannot tell you how many times I have said, “I’ve got this,” and sincerely believed it. But just a few months ago, God got my attention in a BIG way. I never controlled my life just to be rebellious or to defy authority in my life; I simply assumed I was being smart and “grown up.”
I graduated college in May 2011. I had found a great church, loved the area, and decided I wanted to stay there. Yes, there was some prayer that went into my decision making, but it was more like, “Lord, work it out my way” rather than “Lord, work it out Your way.” Instead of going to my pastor concerning these decisions, I knew I had all the answers and this move had to be God’s will. I obtained a job, got an apartment, and plugged into the church. I continued to soar on my own.
On the outside it looked like it was all together and I once again thought “I’ve got this.” After all, I was in church. As the months passed, the strain of commuting, bills, and life in general became a little bit harder each day. Yet I still wouldn’t allow any influences in my life to help out. I continued to keep my pastor and his wife at arm’s length. If they didn’t know about my struggling then I could just pretend it wasn’t happening.
By mid-November I was stressed to the max, confused, and worried all the time. I knew something needed to change. I began to feel a sense of urgency in my spirit that it was time to get closer to God. I needed to seek His will wholeheartedly. I needed to learn to see what He had in store for me rather than what I had in store for me. Each day I started praying, “God, I need You to break me and remake me.” Be careful when you pray that prayer because God will answer it and being broken can be very painful.
We are flesh so we do not like to be uncomfortable. Yet, the person God can make you into through your brokenness is far better than you can even imagine. I wish I could say that all worries and confusion went away overnight, but life is a process. And God has purpose for each step of the process. There were so many areas of my life I kept off limits to God. He was allowed to control certain areas and give input when I felt necessary, so I have had to learn to let go and let Him do the work.
In January, things started to come crashing down all around me. Relationships fell apart, financial strain was the worst it had been, and I finally realized that my way had not been His way. The Lord was breaking me. After some serious prayer and a meeting with my pastor, I made the decision to move home. I loved the church I was attending, I loved all the wonderful people, and I enjoyed my job, yet the Lord knew what was best for me and where I was meant to be for the time.
Months later, I can see God’s hand was leading me each step of the way. By letting go and allowing Him to work, the Lord has opened doors I did not even know existed. A God-given peace I cannot describe in words has filled my life. I am also learning to depend on my pastor and his godly advice, as well as my parents, in helping me make decisions of life.
Despite my mess-ups and mistakes, when I completely surrendered and let God take charge, He had a way of getting me back on track—sort of like my personal GPS. Surrendering to God does not mean defeat and bondage; rather it means freedom and victory. But it also doesn’t mean you will never hurt or go through struggles. But you will have One who will walk with you through each and every one of them.
The phrase, “I’ve got this,” has to leave your vocabulary and, “Lord, You’ve got this,” has to replace it. The Lord has a plan for you far greater than you can even imagine, and He has placed people like your pastor and youth pastor in your life to help guide you along the way. These people love you and want to help you, not dictate over you. Digging into the Word will also assist you on your journey. Proverbs 3:5-6 is a good reminder: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart: lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will show you which path to take.”
My name is Cydney Vaught. I am 23 and from Arkansas. I have my Bachelor’s degree in Communication Disorders. I strive to be real—the real me God intended me to be.